Dear Joss,

Hey buddy,

I know it's been a while and I'm sorry I got a little angry with you. I mean come on you know me, I'm a brown coat for life but after Wash, honestly I was upset. But let's leave the past be exactly that, the past. After all your doing other things now great things.

I was so happy to watch The Cabin the Woods last night. I mean really, nice one dude. Your the only director I can think of who can make me laugh, scream and cry all in the same 95 minute period. Honestly fantastic job man, I mean it.

Glad to see you back at your best, being a totally mental, crazy, sick as fuck funny bastard.

Signing off

X

Sorry dudes.

Hey Guy's, Sorry I've been a little absent recently. As in for the last oh... almost 6months.
Pathetically not much as happened in my life.

Any ways, awkward moving on. One thing that has troubled me recently with cinema in the last 12 months or even the last few years is the growing onslaught of novel adaptations. In 2007 we had Francis Lawrence's adaptation of one of my all time favourite books I Am Legend staring Will Smith. Now don't get me wrong I like Will Smith, I think he has talent and is great at his job but the film was abismal.

For me if your going to do an adaptation make shure you use more from the book than just the title. If it had been a film that hadn't atatched it's self to the book with it's name then I wouldn't have minded so much, because on it's own it's a passable action film but it tried to evoke the same emotional gravitas that the book. In the book you meet Robert Neville a normal man who worked in an office (Not an army scientist who caused the plague) but a normal man trying to get to grips with this new lonely world where he is confronted by death and pain at every turn. I s'pose what I am trying to say is, if your going to make a film of a book then make it a film of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter because the book is something that takes it's self seriously in the most un-serious sort of way. It's like saying "Hi I'd like to see 'Totally awsome fight scene's wraped up in bat-shit insane story that is laughably magnificent" Frankly I can't wait to this this stinking pile of awsome.

And before you think it, Twilight I wouldn't dirty my mouth with discussing at length that sparkling rancid piece of not even good enough to be called fan fiction. And you can say that I'm just jealous of that Stephanie Meyer or what ever her name is but the truth is I would die happy as an unpublished writer than make millions selling that poorly crafted, overly sentimental, 'DULL AS DISHWATER' horse crap that she calls a story.

So in conclusion... oh sod it there is no conclusion that was basically me ranting about to shitty film that make me annoyed that they even exist and another potentially shitty film that I am dying to see.

Until next time keep on bitching. x   

3D Cinema: The Good, the Bad and the should have been.

Ok, as a rule I loath making sweeping generalisations but in this case I have to make an exception. Generally speaking as a rule 3D cinema is freaking clown shoes. But as we all know with every rule there is an exception so I being with the good.

THE GOOD
The only example I can think of to exhibit the (What I think is the proper) use of 3D is in Tron: Legacy. To support my argument I direct your attention to the dinner scene involving Kevin Flynn (Jeff Bridges), his son Sam Flynn (Garrett Hedlund) and Quorra (Olivia Wilde). The three character sit at a long white table. The male charaters at the head and foot of the table with Wilde in the centre facing the character harking towards a classic procenium arch. The composition  of the scene already well set, the use of 3D in this scene only enhances the possition of the actors an the props within the scene. Mostly the use of 3D seems to aim to punch out in agressive way towards to audience. This is the flip side. It give the scene a certain depth that draws you into the action and makes you feel like your steping into the grid. And say what you will about Tron, you may love or hate these films but I honestly believe this is the best use of the format.

THE BAD
Mostly I don't aprove of any film that uses 3D as a gimic. Example Resident Evil: Afterlife. OH MY GOODNESS LOOK THERE ARE THINGS FLYING OUT OF THE SCREEN AT US!!!! Thanks but not thanks. If I want to have stuff thrown at my head I'd go to the park on a saturday. I'm shure I'd eventually end up having a frizbi thrown at me.

THE SHOULD HAVE BEEN
I'd like to know what film you think would have looked great in. My thought The Big Lebowski. FB me.

Come on your just not trying anymore.

Religious people refer to it as a spiritual crisis and I know it can seem a little grandiose to compare losing your faith in what you love to losing your faith in a higher power. But that’s the only way I can think to say it. I’ve lost my love for the cinema. Every so often there’s a little glimmer of hope that reminds me why I catch my breath when I see an article or a promo for a film that seems to be something special. Recently though it seems to be that almost every big film coming out is either a re-make, re-boot, sequel adaptation of a book.

Prime example is the October issue of a rag I frequently purchase Total Film. The cover of this issue features six stories. Superman (Re-Boot), Spiderman (Re-Boot), Judge Dredd (Re-Boot), Men in Black 3 (Sequel), Ghost Rider 2 (Sequel) and of course The Dark Knight Rises (Another Sequel). Not a single Original story, and I know technically if you look at narrative structures as it goes there are finite number of different story’s in cinema, books and theatre.  But what I would like to see it old material with a new plot, something that at the very least makes the effort to be new and interesting.

Don’t get me wrong I will end up seeing all of these films but all I ask is for a little effort. Come on Hollywood earn it.

Why even bad films are good.

A notion that occured to me is this. Even bad films are good. If anything they are better than the good ones. Allow me to explain, it's eays and absolutly wonderful to chat with a friend about films that you both love and enjoy. You do stupid impresssions of the characters, you remember scene's that you thought where funny or moving. But if you spark a conversation about a film that one or both of you find terrible then it's just so much better. Look at failure helps us to recognise our mistakes and to not make them again. Take for example my dear friend Brendan Hill, he thinks the film Wanted is rubbish, I happen to love it. And because of that fact Brendan and I have had many passionate discussions about it. Being British I love to recognise flaws and mistakes and to show my distaste at something. It makes us see that we can be better than what we are and try to improve ourselves. And that is why bad films are good.

It's not just me it really is awful.

One Tree Hill. It's shit, it's just plain awful. It's poorly written self indulgent moralising crap that panders to tweens and people with low IQ's an no taste. Not only is said program poorly written but it is just as weak in it's execution. The direction is comprable to that of an 80's daytime soap. And the acting, oh good god the acting. 'Oh no, you hate me because I slept with you boyfriend. WAH WAH WAH!!' Hug and be friends because friendship is the best ever *Buckets of Sarcasm*. So put simply One Tree Hill, your shit please stop what you are doing. Thank you.

Hey Rocky, did you see that horror picture ? It was such a show! Part 2

Hey there peep's sorry I've not posted for a while. No excuses I am an idiot. Let us continue.

Dr Frankenfurter's creation should be played by a little known actor called Kevin Zegers.

Next on my list is the re-cast for the sexy/scarey Columbia. The only woman I could think of to play that iconic character would be the beautiful and talented Emma Stone.

The sassy alien mix Magenta would be played by Emily Browning.

He may be delicious as the tortured vampire Mitchel, but I think Aiden Turner would do a brilliant job as the reincarnation of Richard O'Brien.

Now we come to the iconic couple Brad Majors and Janet Weiss. No-one else could make this work other that Criminal Minds Matthew Gray Gubler and Supernatural's Alona Tal.

And last but certainly not least a man who has the charisma, voice and sex appeal to pull off this roll would be a man who we all know has fantastic legs from watching 300. And lets face it, the addition of fishnet tights can only make it better. Ladies and gentlpeeps I give you Mr Gerard Butler as Dr Frank-en-Furter.

Thank you and good night.